Point/Counterpoint

May 17th, 2006

CTU SECURITY

CTU SECURITY IS DOWNRIGHT AWFUL

by Edgar Stiles

This has to be the most poorly secured building in all of Los Angeles, if not the entire country. How many times can I sit quietly at my desk, eating donuts and opening sockets, while terrorist after terrorist waltz through this office like it was the Mall of America? I am seriously thinking about going to HR with this information. And if Chloe gives me that annoyed look one more time, I’m going to bomb the place. Its bad enough that before I even got here Nina Myers was traipsing around handing information to Victor Drazen and then shooting Jack Bauer’s wife’s face off, then I have to put up with the entire building exploding and being relocated. My old desk had at least 4 boxes of HoHo’s in the bottom drawer, not to mention my secret stash of Twix bars in the mainframe room. Of course, if I had to count how many times people have escaped or been killed here, I’d be late for my lunch and I’m never late for my lunch. Never. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that security really does try. They just recently installed a new keycard system (which replaced their last system which was a guard asking you “Do you work here?” and if you said “Yes” they would allow you inside), and the security guards are usually at their post when they aren’t being tasered or knocked out by Jack. But I still would say that we are in great danger of something really bad happening here, like what if someone dropped some sort of gas bomb? I mean we’d all be dead in seconds and the only person who would live would be anyone in the conference room, sick bay, and the holding cells, and that’s only because Chappelle had those air seals put in. And what did Ryan get for his troubles? Bullet in the head. The only really good thing about this place is that I’ve found a way to use the computer system to adjust the heat. It was too damn cold in here so I made sure the fans don’t go on randomly throughout the day like they used to. You’d think someone might get me in trouble for something like that. That is, if there was any security here.

CTU SECURITY IS AIRTIGHT

By Lynn McGill

I can’t believe anyone would even suggest that CTU is in any danger of a security breach. Ever since I arrived, things have been in tiptop shape. Of course, certain people like Bill Buchanan keep making things unbelievably difficult for me to do my job. God knows that if Homeland Security was running this place, they’d probably have Bill arrested! But, security is at its best. The guards here are good family men who know to always be on alert for terrorists or Jack Bauer as either could attack them at anytime. Also, CTU recently installed a keycard system for entering the building and because I’m from district, in addition to my main keycard, I get a smaller one to put on my keychain, just like the ones you get at Stop & Shop. Thank God for that or else I might not have been able to get in the building earlier. If I had a nickel for every time, my kid sister stole my keycard…as a joke, of course…well, let’s just say I might quit this job and move to a faraway land where I can drink large glasses of mead and make sweet love everyday to my live-in partner, who I affectionately call Mr. Baggins (he’s always wearing these baggy pants!) So, as you can see, there is absolutely no reason to afraid of any security breakdowns here at CTU. Now, if you want to talk about political backstabbing here, that’s a different story and I would go further into the subject but Curtis wants to talk to me right now and he’s got two of my finest with him, so I better listen. After all, security knows what it’s doing here!